Fulfilling my potential

Question
Greetings,
I don't really know if you have time for this question but I have a serious problem with confidence in my game...I practice hard but I can never get the confidence to show what I can do in a game let alone in a practice. There is always that weird feeling I get in the middle of my chest and the voice that just says 'pass the ball to someone else and let them worry about it'. I can dribble as well as anyone on the team, but my mind just has this reflex to give the ball away immediately...the other day my coach told me that 'I would never be a point guard in this lifetime' which really broke my heart into pieces...I am certain that I am better than 75% of the team skillwise but something really stupid happens every practice and my mind tells me to move on from the mistake and be aggressive but my body is not so keen on that idea. In the past I have been scared to even play in practice and I am also sometimes scared to play in pickup games, could you please tell me why I am so scared?
Thank you very much in advance.

Dwyane

Answer
Hello Dwyane

First, your coach's comment sounds like something said out of frustration.  Sometimes we hear a comment, take it to heart, and make the mistake of believing it's the truth about who we are, not what someone's opinion is at that point in time.

You said you get a weird feeling in the middle of your chest, and you said the coach's comment broke your heart into pieces.  Our language often reflects what is going on with our mind/body connection, and it is clear something is going on with yours.

The first thing, have you had a physical exam recently?  If not, I believe you should, just so you can have the peace of mind that your heart is OK.

Then, you need to sit down, get a piece of paper, and write down when this started, the earliest you can remember.  Having a weird feeling in your chest and a voice that says "pass the ball..." comes from something you learned at some point in your life, that you really did take to heart.

Here's the thing, we can mis-learn information.  I see it all the time in my office working with athletes.  Someone says something, it becomes part of our belief system, and we start choking under pressure.  Learning where it all started, with who, what, when, where, why and how can be a HUGE step to overcoming it.

Also, relaxation training can help.  Here's a mental tool you can do.  Get relaxed, close your eyes, and take five slow deep breaths.  Then, picture or imagine a time when you did something when you succeeded (doesn't have to be basketball, could be any experience you had where you felt confident).  

Make it a multimedia experience - the sights, the sounds, the smells, the physical feelings (whatever was going on physically) and how you felt inside, the confidence.  This is where you get to use your powerful imagination.  Notice how you can actually make that confidence grow.  Really feel it.  Now, here's a secret.  You can only feel one feeling at any specific point in time. And confidence always pushes out negative feelings like fear. So bring up that feeling of confidence again in your imagination, and link it with a color you can FEEL.  Let that color flow through you and feel the confidence.   Practice that, and you will get to the point where when you take a breath and picture, imagine and feel the color flow through you when you exhale, you'll also feel the confidence flow through you.  Then, you can use this in practice and games.  If something happens where a negative emotion tries to get in, take a breath, let the color flow through you when you exhale, and the confidence will flow through you and you'll be in control.  I've used this tool with MANY basketball players - it WORKS!

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

David

David Kenward, The Mental Coach
Sacramento, California
http://www.thementalcoach.com
Win the Mental Game: Perform better under pressure in any sport